10 Things You Should Never Say from The Stage
At this point, I’ve been fronting bands for a long time. There is a certain degree of difficulty in filling the time between the songs. When to talk? When to say nothing? When to explain the song? When to talk about yourself? All this is often done on the spur of the moment. When you throw in the random heckles and happenings that pop up at every show, disaster is always right around the corner.
Here they are - based on my personal experience - the 10 things you should never say on stage.
2. Any songwriting explanation that lasts over 3 minutes.
3. Exact details about your hotel. “Before, the show we were over at the Holiday Inn on Route 2 having some drinks and I told Josh…” Congratulations, you just told a room full of strangers where they can find a van with 30 grand worth of musical equipment.
4. “There’s more Mexicans in here than the Alamo.”
5. Any stories regarding mentally handicapped individuals - even if they are true, and not necessarily disparaging.
6. “Our music is best described as Cowboy Homo-Core.” (Even in jest, especially in Texas)
7. Any remarks directed at an audience member that can be construed as cruel and antagonistic, even if the bozo is throwing peanuts at your head. It just makes you seem like a whiner. One of your bandmates should quietly tip off club personnel.
9. Politics. You may think you know which way the room leans, but you can never be quite sure, and a misstep is deadly.
10. Dedicating the Banjo and Sullivan classic, “I’m Home Getting Hammered. She’s Out Getting Nailed” to a bachelorette party.
Bonus suggestion:
11. Any stories about 4 guys sharing a hotel room that seem funny when they happen and very homo-erotic from the stage.
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